The pop star shared a pic of her new Christmas tree on Instagram, revealing in the lengthy caption that she is feeling the holiday cheer early this year. She also opens up about her fears as she gains more freedom following several court wins, including gaining the right to retain her own lawyer and having her father Jaime Spears suspended as her conservator.
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“I’ll just be honest and say I’ve waited so long to be free from the situation I’m in … and now that it’s here I’m scared to do anything because I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake !!! For so many years I was always told if I succeeded at things, it could end … and it never did !!! I worked so hard but now that it’s here and getting closer and closer to ending I’m very happy but there’s a lot of things that scare me 😬 !!!”
She says that she is still being followed by paparazzi, and that she has been afraid of doing “something wrong” that could affect her conservatorship. She also reveals that she plans to post less on social media.
“The paps run through the trees 🌳 and onto the road 🛣 when I drive home and it’s creepy !!!! And I have to drive by an elementary school … the kids are a big deal … but so am I !!!!! I don’t like that they try to scare me and jump out like they do … it’s like they want me to do something crazy 🤷🏼♀️ !!!” she writes.
She continues, “So like I said I’m fearful of doing something wrong … so I won’t be posting as much in a world where it’s our liberty to be free, it’s a shame !!! I started experiencing that when I got the keys 🔑 to my car 🚙 for the first time 4 months ago and it’s been 13 years !!!! I haven’t done anything to be treated the way I have for the past 13 years !!! I’m disgusted with the system and wish I lived in another country !!!”
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The “Stronger” singer ends the candid post by explaining that she’s celebrating the holidays two months early to “find more joy in life.” She also reveals that she’s staying clear of show business for the time being.
“I’m celebrating Christmas 🎄 way early this year … because why not ???!!! I believe any reason to find more joy in life is a good idea … and it’s no secret that I’ve been through it in the past … so I might have to do things a little differently from now on !!! Lord have mercy on my family’s souls if I ever do an interview !!! In the meantime … I’m staying clear of the business 💼 which is all I’ve ever known my whole life … which is why this is so very confusing for me !!! Anyway … God bless you all 🌹!!!
The singer’s next court hearing is scheduled for November 12. After her last hearing on September 29, Spears’ lawyer Mathew Rosengart revealed that his goal is to terminate the entire conservatorship. He also said during a press conference that Britney was “very happy” with her father’s suspension.
“This is a substantial step toward her freedom. It’s been a lot of hard work. It’s been intense. I’m proud. Britney’s proud,” he said.
This article originally appeared on Harper’s BAZAAR US.