Britney Spears is ready to take full control over her life again in the new year, even if that means stepping back from music.

On Instagram yesterday, the pop star wrote candidly about her decision to not make music anymore after being “embarrassed” and “hurt deeply” while under a conservatorship for 13 years.

“From every angle I was being hurt for no reason and my family was hurting me,” she wrote, reflecting on the moment she lost faith in her religion a few years ago. “I went into a state of shock and the way I coped was being fake[,] denial … I chose the fake denial ‘everything’s totally fine’ approach because I didn’t want to cause conflict. I was NICE, FAKE and I was absolutely screaming inside.”

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She said that, while under the conservatorship, she had asked to perform new songs and remixes of her old songs but was denied. “It was a set up to make me fail yet I knew exactly what I wanted my fans to see and it didn’t make sense how network television shows are showcasing my music with remixes of all of my music … yet the person who owns the music is told no,” she wrote. “They even gave remixes to my sister but why was I always told no?”

She went on to explain that this experience dissolved her trust in the industry.

“So much wasted time to only embarrass and humiliate me and I guess it seems odd to most now why I don’t even do my music anymore,” she wrote. “People have no idea the awful things that were done to me personally … and after what I’ve been through, I’m scared of people and the business!!! They really hurt me!!! Not doing music anymore is my way of saying ‘f**k you’ in a sense when it only actually benefits my family by ignoring my real work.”

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Spears’s conservatorship was terminated this past November after a highly publicized legal battle. Reflecting on the change this past year brought, the singer wrote, “Last year was growth for me… I still have a ways to go!!! My goal for this year is to push myself a bit more and do things that scare me but not too much I mean geez!!!! We are just people and I’m not superwoman, but I do know what makes me happy and brings me joy and I try to meditate on those places and thoughts that enable me to experience it.”

This article originally appeared in Harper’s BAZAAR US