On October 1, 2020, Chrissy Teigen shared the devastating news that she’d lost her baby, a son named JackJack was Teigen’s third child with her husband, John Legend. Since then, the Cravings author has been candid about processing her grief after losing a child, and she’s also revealed that she decided to get sober following her baby loss.

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In a candid Instagram post shared on Friday, Teigen reflected on what would have been Jack’s upcoming due date. She also shared several photos taken during the music video shoot for Legend’s “Wild,” in which the couple first announced the pregnancy to the world.

She captioned the post, “these are from our video shoot for ‘Wild’ in Mexico. I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end. I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks…”

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“not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so,” Teigen emotionally wrote. “He would have been here any day now – if he were like Luna and Miles, I’d probably be holding him as we speak. I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse.”

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Teigen continued, “This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule. Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love. I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do. ❤️ and I love you jack. I miss you so so much.”

The model’s post is both a heartfelt tribute to her late son Jack, and a message of support to anyone going through the same thing.

This article originally appeared on Harper’s BAZAAR US.